Two Twits and a Clever Lady
by faithwood
Summary: Harry wants Draco, Draco wants Harry, and Pansy wants gold. All in all, this is not a bad situation. Hogwarts!fic, Humour, HPDM, SLASH, ONESHOT.


**Disclaimer: **Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.  
**Title: **Two Twits and a Clever Lady

**Author:** Faith Wood  
**Pairing: **Harry/Draco  
**Rating: **R  
**Word Count: **1200  
**Genre: **Humour  
**Status: **Complete  
**Summary: **Harry wants Draco, Draco wants Harry, and Pansy wants gold. All in all, this is not a bad situation.  
**Warnings: **Hogwarts!fic, Pansy :D

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Two Twits and a Clever Lady

* * *

Knots were evil. Maybe it was just because it had been a Gryffindor tie, or maybe it had been charmed, but whatever the reason, the knot just wouldn't budge.

"Here," Harry whispered, raising his hands to gently push Draco's fingers away and undo the tie himself. Harry loosened the knot and took off the tie easily, making Draco wonder whether he had been fumbling earlier. Mercifully, Harry undid the buttons of his shirt next, but not quite as surely as his tie. This time Harry's fingers shook and fumbled.

Watching Harry struggle with his shirt, Draco concluded that his nervous looking companion was on to something there. They both had too much clothes on. The heat in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory was becoming unbearable. Which was hardly surprising, Draco thought as he reached out and his fingers brushed the taut skin of Harry's chest, because Harry was radiating heat.

Draco slid the white shirt over Harry's shoulders, and he would have taken it off completely, but Harry's shoulders were terribly distracting, and clearly begging to be bit.

Compelled, Draco leaned in and bit down on Harry's left shoulder, promptly soothing the bite with his tongue. Harry gasped, his whole body twisting and moving closer to Draco's mouth as his hands clutched Draco's waist desperately.

Trailing kisses and nips over Harry's neck, Draco's lips inevitably ended up pressed against Harry's sweet-tasting mouth. And sweet Merlin was Pansy right — this was truly intoxicating; pushing his tongue past Harry's lips and exploring eagerly until Harry slid his tongue alongside Draco's, humming deeply in his throat and taking control of the kiss before Draco even realized they were fighting for it.

Harry's hands crept beneath Draco's shirt, slowly caressing his sides, thumbs bravely pushing underneath the waistband of Draco's trousers, stroking the tender skin of Draco's lower spine.

"Are you sure?" Harry asked softly after they had parted, still breathing hotly into each other's mouth.

Draco barely finished nodding before Harry pushed him down on his back. He had found his voice and whispered, "Yes!" only after Harry settled between his thighs and unzipped his trousers. But that _yes_ sounded more like a hiss of pleasure because Harry had promptly leaned in, nuzzling the soft patch of blond hair that peeked through the parted material and inhaling Draco's scent deeply.

Gasping for air, Draco placed his feet flat on the bed, and thrust his pelvis upwards, demanding further attention.

Harry obliged, freeing Draco's cock and then with a shuddering breath, he took it in his hands, tongue peeking out to lick the head tentatively. As Harry grew bolder and enveloped the tip of Draco's cock with his mouth, sucking and slurping inexpertly but perfectly, all Draco could think was, _Oh fuck ten Galleons._

* * *

o-O-o

_Earlier that day ..._

* * *

"That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," Draco said flatly. "And I've known you for years."

"Oh I don't know. Everyone I talked to agrees. There must be something to it," Pansy argued as they walked towards the Great Hall to get some breakfast.

"Yes, there is something to it. It's called hero-worship. And it's sickening."

Pansy shrugged. "I've even heard that Potter is a part-veela and that's why he's so irresistible."

"Now there's a theory worthy of that Loony girl. I'm surprised at you, Pansy. And I'm not even dignifying the irresistible part with a comment."

"You just did," Pansy pointed out and then continued quickly. "I'm just repeating what others have said. Apparently, everyone says that once you've had a taste of Harry Potter you can never get enough."

"Crazy people. All of them. Someone should set them straight," Draco scoffed. "No pun intended."

"I suppose you think you could resist him?" Pansy asked, her eyes twinkling.

"Obviously."

"Care to bet? I'll give you ten Galleons if you kiss Potter and walk away. But if you don't manage ..."

"You're joking? That would be the easiest gold I'd ever made." Draco grinned, his voice turning dreamy. "I should do it publicly. For maximum humiliation. Potter would freak out. It would be beautiful."

"Hmm. I'd be worried if you weren't crushing on him so much."

Draco gasped and then spluttered indignantly all the way to the Great Hall. Once there, he had recovered sufficiently to sneer and whisper into Pansy's ear, "You're forgetting something. Once I kiss him, Potter will hex me into next week, and I won't get a chance to kiss him again." Draco sat down in a huff. "Thank Merlin I have such silly friends. At least I'll be ten Galleons richer," he declared, murdering his food with a fork.

Pansy turned around and snickered into her pumpkin juice.

* * *

o-O-o

_And the day before ..._

* * *

"No," Pansy said quietly — because they were in the library, and determinedly — because _seriously_.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't like you, Potter. And saying no to you makes my day," Pansy explained patiently, not moving her gaze from the book she was reading.

"But I really think Draco would want this too. Then this could make him happy as well. Possibly, you would be doing him a favour. Don't you care?"

"No. Not really."

"But —"

"If you're so sure he wants you, Potter, why not gather some of that famous Gryffindor courage and ask him yourself?"

"Well I'm not _that_ sure. But you're his friend, I thought you could —"

"Oh I could. I could deliver him to you naked and bound and covered with chocolate, if I wished. Which I don't."

"I'm not asking for anything that drastic. I just thought you could talk to him ... Wait. _Really?_"

Pansy looked at him and smirked, and then went back to reading her book. "Goodbye, Potter."

Moping and scowling, Potter turned around, but after a few steps he was back again.

"Would you do it for ten Galleons?"

Pansy snapped her book shut and reached out with her hand, palm upwards. "Now that's how you negotiate with a Slytherin, Potter."

Potter narrowed his eyes. "I'm not giving you anything until I see some results."

Pansy sighed and picked up her things. "Draco will snog you tomorrow evening in the Great Hall. But after that — you're on your own."

"Don't worry," Potter grinned cockily. "I'll manage from there."

* * *

o-O-o

_Back to present ..._

* * *

Pansy hummed softly, quite pleased with herself. She was twenty Galleons richer, because Draco and Potter were complete idiots. Additionally, Draco would stop moping around and throwing sad looks in Potter's direction and sighing his 'Potter will never want me!' sighs. Though admittedly, Pansy hadn't known that Draco was so crazy for Potter he was ready to say goodbye to ten Galleons. It must be love.

But Pansy still didn't get her gold, and there was always a chance that the ungrateful brats would bail out on her. So.

Pansy adjusted her broom and directed her Omnioculars towards the Gryffindor Tower. After a couple of tries she guessed the right window.

"Oh!" Pansy gasped. And pressed the record button.

Harry Potter lay naked and sweaty on his four-poster bed, staring at equally naked Draco with wide eyes; his wrists were pressed firmly down on either side of his body by Draco's hands, his nipples taut as Draco licked and sucked them, pink tongue peeking and swirling sinuously as Potter thrashed around, twisting his body futilely as he was clearly trapped beneath his lover. And then Potter threw his head back, his body thrusting upwards as Draco freed his hands and straightened. Draco grinned at Potter, then rolled his hips and slammed down on Potter's thick cock.

Pansy almost fell off her broom, but she managed to hold on.

Watching avidly at Draco's hard cock that bobbed as he jumped up and down while Potter thrust upwards savagely, his hands clutching Draco's hips, steadying him and helping him move, Pansy almost forgot about her twenty Galleons.

Because _fuck_. She could sell this recording for so much more.

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Fin

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End file.
